Sometimes the answer is no (book blog 7)

Every week this summer, I'm sharing something new about my book, Social Skills is Canceled, which will be released on July 30. I'm also sharing parts of the journey as it unfolds.

(Check out previous posts about the dedication, the preface, an excerpt, the cover, the characters, and another excerpt.)

I have always been a risk taker. I like doing hard things. I like challenging myself. And I like seeing if I can do things that I once thought I couldn't do. Writing this book is a great example. 

But sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes I try things, or ask people for things, or think things are going to go a certain way, and the answer is no.

Last week, I announced that I was going to have a virtual book release party. I wondered if people would come. Turns out, the answer was no. But the only way for me to know that was to put it out there!

Sometimes the answer is no.

I often say this phrase to the students at Starfish. It helps prime their brain in case the answer really is no, but it also makes it that much more awesome when the answer is yes. 

I use this phrase when a student wants to ask someone to play a game with them. I use it when someone wants to try to make plans with someone else. I repeat it when a kiddo wants to ask me for something. 

It's a great way to help our kids (and ourselves!) realize that things might not work out the way we hope they will, and knowing that makes it easier to handle.

Because sometimes the answer is no. 

But we won't know for sure until we try. And even if it is no, the next person may say yes. Or no may be the answer we really needed to what we thought we wanted. Or it may be a no this time, but a yes next time. 

There is an incredible amount of bravery in trying something, even when the answer may be no.

And now for this week's book sneak peak...

This is an excerpt from Chapter 14. The students are about to do something big, and they are feeling anxious about how it will turn out.

“Circle,” he said as she threw her trash away on her way out the door, “you are ready to stand up for yourself and tell people what you need. But I need you to know that we can’t control how other people respond. When you ask Mrs. Round about being in a group with Square and Triangle, she might say ‘yes’, and she might say ‘no.’"

Circle nodded. She understood. She would feel upset if Mrs. Round said no, but she knew it was important to know that it might happen.

Circle's mom always told her that it was okay to feel the way she was feeling, no matter how she was feeling. Sometimes Circle heard people say that it wasn’t okay to be mad, or that someone shouldn’t be so upset. But her mom never said that. Circle knew it was always okay to feel the way she was feeling...

“When we ask someone for something,” Miss Fisher shared, “sometimes the answer is ‘no’. If Mr. Point says ‘no’ to you being in a group with Square and Circle, it’s okay to feel upset. But we want you to be careful about what you do when you feel upset. If Mr. Point says no and you are feeling upset, what would be a helpful choice to make?”

Triangle had to think about that one. When he thought about Mr. Point saying no, he did feel upset. His brain thought about yelling or arguing or walking out of the room. But he knew Miss Fisher was right. Sometimes the answer was no. He decided that he would ask to take a break if Mr. Point said no. But he really, really, really hoped he would say yes...

After Square practiced his sentences with his family last night, he had a scary thought. “But… but what if…” Square looked at his parents. “But what if Ms. Box says no?” Square’s heart started beating quickly and his stomach started hurting.

“It’s absolutely possible that she will say no, Square Bear,” his mom admitted, putting her arm around Square’s shoulders. “She has her own thoughts and her own feelings, and she may say no. How do you think you will feel if she says no?”

“I'll feel embarrassed,” Square admitted. He looked at the ground. “I will feel like I don’t want to talk to her again.”

Square’s brother knelt next to him so he could look into Square’s eyes. Square kept looking at the ground. “Square, I want you to think about something. Are you in a group with Triangle and Circle right now?”

“No,” Square whispered.

“Right. The only way that is going to change is if you talk to Ms. Box about it. She might say yes, or she might say no. But if you don’t talk to her about it, nothing will change. You will be in the same group you are in now. The only person who can make a difference is you. Are you willing to try?”

Square wanted so badly to say no. He didn’t want to talk to Ms. Box or to anyone. But he knew his brother was right. It was up to him.

You can learn more about the book here: Social Skills is Canceled: A Story for Kids with Autism, ADHD, and Anxiety

 I'll see you again next week!

With love,

Steph 

PS. You can learn more about our school year groups (in person and via Zoom) and join the waiting list for August here: social groups

PPS. Last week, I said I had one surprise coming on July 30 and possibly a second one if I could pull it off. I pulled it off, so stay tuned on July 30! :)