How it's going

Listen to the podcast episode HERE.

Last week I started experiencing dizzy spells. They came on all of a sudden, out of nowhere. No warning, no other issues going on.

The first time it happened, I thought I was going to pass out. I was in public and I immediately started worrying about fainting in front of other people. I quickly figured out where both the nearest exit and nearest trash can was since I wasn’t sure if I was going to throw up or need a quick escape. I had NO idea where the dizziness came from.

Then it happened again. And again. And again.

I started running through the list of possibilities based on where I was when this was happening and what was going on at the time. I realized I could narrow down the activity that was causing it. This also meant I was able to eliminate some of the most common causes of dizziness as they didn’t match up with my situation.

I’m a master Googler, so I put the pieces together, jumped online, and had the answer within minutes. I read the information and knew immediately that what was on the screen in front of me was the reason for my dizzy spells. If the problem persists, I know exactly what to tell my doctor about it and I know what treatment is recommended.

They say ‘knowledge is power’. The spells haven’t stopped because the cause hasn’t been addressed yet, but just knowing why they are happening has eased my anxiety about it significantly. Also knowing that there’s a simple treatment and that other people also experience it is calming. I’ve learned what causes it, which means I’ve also learned how to prevent it for the most part.

But what if I didn’t know all this? What if I hadn’t identified the time patterns? What if I wasn’t able to pinpoint the cause? What do you think would happen if I went to the doctor and told her I was feeling dizzy sometimes?

Depending on the doctor, any number of things may happen. I may be given a pill. Or asked to take data. Or be referred for further testing. Or blown off.

How do we usually respond when our kiddo tells us something is wrong? If they have a headache? Or that they can’t sleep? Do we investigate, or go with the easiest remedy? Do we reassure them that they’re fine, or do we try to dig deeper?

I used to know someone who, any time someone would say their stomach hurt, he would ask if they needed to poop! Like that’s the only reason someone’s stomach might be hurting! If the answer was no, then he was out of ideas!

What do we do when we notice our kid is struggling with making friends? We might Google things like ‘how to help autistic kids make friends’ and ‘how do I get my kid to stop talking about himself all the time’. Or ‘friendship skills for neurodivergent kids’.

We end up spending time and money on strategies and solutions without actually knowing the cause! We are giving our daughter Advil for her headache when really her ponytail is too tight. We are giving our son herbs to help him sleep when the real issue is that his bed is too hard and hurts his joints. We are using social strategies and resources for our students that do nothing to address the reason behind their social struggles.

The last couple of weeks, we’ve been talking about the Social Skills Spiral. That thing that happens when we realize our children or students are struggling with friendships, and we start trying to find all the ways to help.

What I recognized is that we often know the symptoms of the problem, but we don’t know the actual cause. We are trying to treat something without actually identifying what it is that we are treating.

We KNOW that our child is shy around other kids and prefers to avoid them. Or that they are intense and often inadvertently scare other kids off. Or that they are super kind, but don’t actually have friends. We have an awareness of the problem, but we don’t actually know the cause, or how to help.

Over the last several years, I’ve become very good at identifying how students struggle socially, and knowing what to say and do to help them be more socially successful. I’ve identified the problems our kids face, and I’ve created solutions that actually help. This is where our curriculum, what I call SC3 Academy, came from. It’s our 40-week program that teaches all the things I recognized our students don’t know, don’t understand, or have never been able to practice or talk about.

This program addresses every social challenge I’ve ever seen, from kids who think correcting other people makes them seem smart to kids who don’t ever answer questions to kids who aren’t sure how to join a conversation to kids who think everyone is their friend. It’s all in there. It’s the best combination of awareness of the actual challenges our kids face and solutions that really work!

When we are aware of what our child is struggling with and we have a program that teaches those very things, we are on the move! As long as kids stay in the program for at least 8 weeks, I can guarantee they will make progress! We have some kids who’ve been with us for five years now, because they just keep learning and growing!

There’s one more thing that ties it all together: An understanding of the social profile of every child at Starfish Social Club.

While what I teach is the same for all our kids, HOW I teach it is different! I approach, respond to, and manipulate situations differently depending on whether that child is a circle kid, a square kid, or a triangle kid. I ask different questions. I phrase things differently. I reframe certain ideas or concepts. I create scenarios accordingly.

I have conversations with some kids that I would never have with others. I point things out, make comments, arrange groups, facilitate discussions, all based on who is in the group at that time. This is the special sauce.

Without knowing our kids’ unique social profile, we are stuck on that social skills spiral. We are typing in symptoms and trusting the strategies without addressing the actual cause. If I didn’t know each child’s profile, I would teach them all the same way. I would talk to them all the same way. I would put similar kids together and wonder why they weren’t growing. And most of the kids wouldn’t grow.

But, as Maya Angelou says, “When we know better, we do better.”

Now that I know better, I can address every child’s unique profile while they are at Starfish. I can ensure every child is growing, even though it looks different for each one of them.

I didn’t actually realize I was doing this until recently. We all have things we just know and do without really thinking about it, and adapting the concepts for each different profile was one of those things for me.

Now that I see what I’m doing every day, I want to share it with as many people as possible. I want to make sure we are all using strategies that actually work based on each child’s profile, whether you are a parent with 3 kids or a teacher with 23.

Utilizing tools and strategies specific to a child’s social profile is the best way to help them grow socially, and maintain our sanity in the process!

Today I’m opening registration for the Empowered Advocate Academy.

Together, we will identify your child’s unique social profile. We will learn how that affects their ability to make and maintain friendships. We will walk through specific strategies and techniques designed for your child’s profile and challenges. And I will help you share this information with other people on your child or student’s team so we can create a collaborative, comprehensive support group.

Better understanding. Better strategies. Better connection.

There are 3 different social profiles. If you are stuck on the Social Skills Spiral trying interventions and strategies to help your child make friends without knowing their profile, you have a 1 in 3 chance of using strategies that work for your child. Our kids deserve better odds than that. We can make it happen.

Update: This program is no longer available. Please visit www.StarfishSocialClub.org to learn more about our current programs.