Show and Tell

This blog post is a transcript of Episode 101 of my podcast/YouTube series. Because of that, it is not written to be grammatically/syntactically correct.

You can listen here and watch here.

Once upon a time, there were students who struggled to notice the interests of others and to use that information to help them form connections.

Some students weren't able to identify anything that anyone close to them liked or was interested in.

There were students who had a reputation for being selfish because they only talked about things that they were interested in, even though they knew what their family and friends liked.

And then there were students who did a great job paying attention to the interests of people around them, but they didn't know how to use that information to build connections.

I created the lesson we're talking about this week for all of these students.

In this lesson, students practice listening to others while they share about their interests, and we also practice asking others questions about their interests and making related comments.

This lesson is module two, which is our awareness module, and lesson five. It happens to be the lesson that I teach almost always the week before we have a break for Thanksgiving, just based on the schedule and the calendar. Sometimes Thanksgiving is a week later, but typically we have this lesson and then the next week we're on a break before we come back and finish the module. This is amazing because this lesson leads into the three lessons that come after it that finish module two, and it's all based on remembering the things that happened during this lesson that we're talking about here. So when we do have that extra week in between, it makes it just a little bit more challenging!

Looking at our checklist for module two, this lesson covers: Isn't able to have conversations about the interests of others, doesn't remember things other people like or like to talk about, and doesn't know how to identify common interests they share with others. So all those things are addressed in this lesson.

This lesson is probably everybody's favorite. Out of all the lessons, this one is probably everybody's favorite because it's show and tell. It's legitimately show and tell. I remind the students for several weeks leading into this lesson that this is Show and Tell week, and I do ask parents to support their kiddos' independence and encourage and expect their students to remember without parent interference or support. Sometimes that means students don't remember, and that's okay, because I'll tell you what we do when that happens.

My only criteria for the items students can have for show and tell, whether they're bringing them in person, or whether they're having them on Zoom, is that it is things that are appropriate. I say that about pretty much everything that we talk about, that we bring, that we do, it just needs to be appropriate. And I don't really define 'appropriate' because I want the students to use their own judgment. I use this word just so that nobody brings something that they might be questioning, "Hmm, would it be okay if I brought this? What would Steph think if I brought this?" If they're having any thoughts along those lines, me saying, 'as long as it's appropriate' clarifies that for them. If they're questioning it, don't bring it, it's probably not appropriate. In nine years, it has never been an issue. I've never had a student bring something to show and tell, or show up on zoom with something, that would be considered inappropriate. But it's just something to think about. We're in the context of a group, and so it's important that we think about everybody else.

All students bring three things, and I do give them some examples. Sometimes kids have a hard time thinking about things that they could bring to show and tell. Especially for students who come in person, they might want to bring larger items that would be difficult for them to physically bring. Students on Zoom can show their pets, for example, if you're coming in person, please don't bring your pet. So everybody gets to bring three things. And some of the examples I give are: It could be a picture of something, maybe somewhere that you went that you really enjoyed. It could be a trophy or a medal or an award that you've gotten. It could be your favorite book or your favorite video game. It can be a shirt or a hat that means something special to you. It can be a gift that you got for your birthday or a holiday that you really enjoy. So I throw out some general ideas to get everybody thinking about what they could bring.

When we come to class for show and tell, most of the time there is at least one student who has forgotten. And that's okay, because every single time that has happened, here's what they've done: That student, every single time, has been creative and adaptable and made something up. Especially for students who have their own phone, they have realized they can go through their phone and share photos or their favorite game that's on their phone, or anything they might have on their phone they can use. Even their phone! They might have a cool case. They might have a cool pop socket. There could be something about their phone. For students who don't have their own phone, sometimes they will look at things they're wearing. Maybe they'll talk about their shoes. I've even had students who come in person who've ran and grabbed their favorite game off the shelf and used the game for show and tell.

I really love building independence in my students and also building that adaptability so that when things don't go as planned, we can... we talked a few episodes ago about making a detour. That's exactly what that means. This did not go the way you planned. Everybody else brought their three items and you didn't. How can you make a detour? And every time I've had somebody forget their items, they have been able to make a detour. It's actually quite impressive. I really love it when that happens.

What we do for show and tell is I have one student share at a time. We go around the whole group and everybody shares their first item, and then we go around a second time, and everybody shares their second item, and then a third time. If I have one student share all three in a row, other students get a bit restless and get kind of tired of waiting, especially if they're toward the end of the group. That's why I do every student sharing item number one and then item number two and then item number three. I share as well, because I'm part of the group just like everybody else is.

When it's not your turn to share, here's what everybody else's responsibilities are. This is not passive show and tell. This is active show and tell, because everything we do at Starfish Social Club, we are learning and working and growing. Everything has a purpose. So this is active show and tell.

When it's not your turn to share, you have a job. Your job, when that person is done sharing, is to either ask them a question about their object that they have not already answered, or make a comment about their object. This requires us to pay attention, especially the part about 'ask them a question they have not already answered'. I provide some suggestions for this. Some students struggle with generating questions. Some examples are, "Where did you get it?" "How long have you had it?" "Why is it important to you?" "Where do you keep it?" But again, sometimes students answer these questions while they're sharing and talking about their object. So that's why it's really important for us to pay attention and then to choose a question that makes sense, that they have not already answered.

Students can also make a comment. Sometimes I'll assign points to this. Sometimes I'll give students two points for asking a question and one point for making a comment, and my goal is for every student to ask at least two questions, but everything else can be a comment.

We also talk about when it's their turn to share, I coach them on: How do we share in that just right zone that we've talked about in module one? If we don't share enough information, people don't really know what it is we're talking about. They don't know what this thing is that we brought. They don't know why it matters. But if we share too much information, people get bored. They get kind of tired of listening to us. Sometimes I've had kids bring books and they will read parts of the book, for example. So we're trying to find that middle ground where we share enough information that people know what it is we're talking about, but not so much that they're bored, and then they don't have any questions to ask because we've answered all the questions ahead of time.

That's the plan for show and tell. We go around the group. Everybody shares their object, and everybody who's not taking a turn sharing is thinking about a question they can ask or a comment they can make. There's not a whole lot else for me to say about this lesson, because the entire rest of the hour is show and tell. This is what we're doing. So there's not much else in the way of me teaching. It's simply paying attention.

But here's what I do, because this ties into the next three lessons that we have is I am writing down everybody's name and the three things that they shared. I'm writing them down because we're going to use them again for the next three weeks, but the student's job is to see if they can remember. That's what we're trying to do, to see if they can remember. And part of what triggers their memory is if they remember what question they asked or what comment they made.

One way to make this a little bit more advanced is for some of my students who've been with me for a while, I expect them to ask a social wondering question, which I alluded to in a previous episode. It's easy to ask an informational question. An informational question: Where did you get that? What does it do? Sometimes somebody will say, "How much did that cost?" That's just information. It's just facts. It's not really anything that helps us learn more about this person who's sharing this object.

A social question is something about this person. So it could be, "Why is that important to you?" Sometimes I have students who will bring stuffed animals or things along that line, and students will ask, "Do you sleep with that?" That's a great question. Sometimes people will ask, "Who gave that to you?" which is kind of in between. It's information, but it's leading to 'Who do you have a connection with that gave you this thing?' So we try to work, especially with students who have maybe stronger social skills, or who have been in the program for a while, I try to encourage them to ask social questions about the things that people are sharing. How often do you play that game? Who do you like to read that book with? Why did somebody get you that archery set?

What's really cool is when students make connections to each other in this lesson, because that's a coming lesson. That's coming up later. So when students do it in this lesson, that's really cool, because it means they're ahead of the game. They're advanced. So anytime somebody shares something and someone else can say something like, "Oh, I have that too!" Or trophies and metals are pretty common, and several of my students do similar things, like they're on the swim team, or they are in karate, or maybe they have a medal from spelling bee. So it's another great way for students to make connections with each other. Pets, as I mentioned, students will either share their actual pet if they're attending on Zoom, or photos of their pet if they're in person. And that's another great opportunity. The majority of my students every time have pets, so it's another great opportunity to make connections.

That's what this lesson is. That's what it's all about. And as I mentioned in the intro, there are some students who just don't yet have the social capacity to pay attention to what other people like or what other people like to do. Sometimes in one of our lessons, that's something I'll ask is I'll say, "Tell me something that your mom really likes to do. Tell me something that your brother really likes to do." And what I typically get from the students who don't yet have that awareness is they will say things like, "My mom loves to be on Facebook. My dad loves to watch the news." I'm sure those are things you do, but I'm not sure those are things that you would ever list as the things that you love to do. And so it's interesting to see for different students, which students struggle, just in general, with the concept of noticing things about other people.

That tends to be triangle students. Triangle students tend to not be so aware of the things that people around them like, like to do, are interested in, talk about. Triangle students generally have a reputation for being selfish. That's a common reputation that triangle students have, which is interesting, because triangle students are very empathetic. They genuinely care about other people, but they often don't pay attention to what other people talk about, like to talk about, how they like to spend their time. They just aren't usually paying attention. Probably my favorite part of the book Social Skills is Canceled is when the three students are together in the beginning of the story, and they're kind of helping each other out socially and Triangle is saying, "Well, what if I don't care about what someone else is talking about?" And it's at the end of a chapter, and I end it by saying, 'Nobody knew the answer to that really good question.' While it is a very triangle thing to think and to say, it can apply to anybody. So triangles tend to not really notice what other people talk about or like or are interested in.

Circle students typically are good at paying attention to things. Circle students just tend to notice the world around them when it comes to information, but they typically don't know what to do with that information. So they may know how mom likes to spend her time, or what teacher got for her birthday that year based on what the students had given her. They may be paying attention to these things, what kind of books dad likes to read, but they don't know how to take that information and do anything with it. They don't know how to make a connection to other people based on what they know about them. So it's a difference between a triangle and a circle.

And then we have our square students. Because square students have social anxiety, they tend to be hyper vigilant, which comes with anxiety, and so they tend to notice a lot of things about a lot of people. They may know what kind of backpack everybody has, they may know what kind of vehicle everybody's parents drive, they tend to notice a lot of things about a lot of people. But because they have social anxiety, they do not use that information to make connections, because they tend to shy away from making connections. They tend to feel overwhelmed and anxious about engaging with their peers so they may know, they may even recognize, that they have three things in common with this other student, but they may never say anything about it because of their social anxiety. What typically happens in my world, in my environment, is I notice that square students, when they realize they have something in common with someone, sometimes it just comes up organically.

One of the things that happens a lot for students that come in person is a lot of times we play games, but they don't have to play the game by the rules, and a lot of times they'll start playing a game just creatively making it up, turning it into a role playing game, and that's where you'll see what they have in common, because maybe they're playing it like another similar game. One time, I had several students running around the building making up their own version of Among Us. I don't know that any of them had talked about Among Us before that happened, but now, I think there were six of them running around making up their version of Among Us, and all of them knew what they were talking about. They all knew what the made-up rules to this game were. So often, especially for square students, common interests come up in play. Even for older students, they come up in play because it's a safe way to share what you're interested in without so much concern, as if you're sharing it verbally.

Also, I notice for some students that you can see it in what they wear, what they look like. We talked about that on the episode of initiating a conversation. It comes up often. What are other people wearing? What do they look like? What do you notice about them? What do you notice about them that you can use to start a conversation?

So while this is show and tell, everybody knows what show and tell is, it's a really common activity, even for really little kids, my students of all ages really love this lesson, and hopefully I've been able to share that there's so much you can do with show and tell. It's kind of doing show and tell a disservice if we just use it as an opportunity for students to share something with the group, and then it's the next person's turn and the next person's turn and the next person's turn. We're really doing show and tell a disservice, because there's so many social skills that can be woven into just this simple activity of show and tell. As I've mentioned, we talk about when it's your turn, knowing how much to share about this thing that you've brought. When it's not your turn, being able to listen to what the person's saying so that you don't ask them a question they've already answered. Thinking about how you can ask them a social question about the information they have. So again, I'm taking notes on everybody and what everybody has brought, because this is going to come up. It's going to be really important in the three lessons that come after this lesson.

Speaking of after this lesson, let's see what our random number generator has for us next time. Oh, there's a good one, 26. Twenty-six would be module four, lesson two. Module Four is all about relationships. This is a word that a lot of students don't know, and if they know it, they don't necessarily know what it means. Module four is all about relationships, and the number one relationship all the students know is friends. That's the go-to. But in module four, the important point of the module is that there are so many other types of relationships. We've already done the lesson on friendship here in this podcast/YouTube/blog series. In lesson two, we talk about acquaintances, which are way more common than friends. One of the things that we talk about is how most of the people we know are not our friends, they are our acquaintances, and there are many reasons why that's a very important distinction. So that's what we'll talk about on the next episode. I'm glad you're here, and I'll see you then.