Parenting neurodivergent teens with less conflict, with Ann Coleman

There's something about this time of year that seems to make parenting, teaching, just 'peopling' in general more difficult. 

The shine of the new school year has worn off.

Kids who haven't adapted so well to the transition are really struggling.

Holidays are on the horizon, which can cause extra stress and anxiety at home.

The days are getting shorter.

The time change is coming.

Colder weather is on its way...

Anything I missed from that list?

When people feel stressed, they instinctively look for ways to feel more in control of their environment. As parents and teachers, we often turn this need for control into attempts to control the kids in our lives. 

For some kids, this can be accomplished fairly easily. Some kids want to be compliant and please the adults in their lives.

And then there's the kids like me who will fight back any time they feel like there is an attempt to control them.

In this week's podcast/YouTube episode, I'm talking with Ann Coleman, a parenting coach who focuses on challenging teens. We talk about some of the factors contributing to the mindset of our teens, as well as how we can parent them with less conflict. 

I grew up with a lot of household conflict in my teen years, and I feel like this conversation is incredibly important for anyone looking to have a more supportive, less challenging relationship with their teen.

Here's a clip from the episode:

So you know, it was, 'you can't go anywhere' or take away the phone or, you know, do all these things because my anxiety was telling me and these parenting, you know, this parenting mindset was telling me, you've got to put an end to this, you've got to stop it. But when we start controlling, and start clamping down on our kids, whatever you want to call it, at that age, when they are in adolescence, their gut reaction is to go just the opposite. And they come back at us with rebellion and fighting back, and it becomes this circular deal, because then when they're pushing back, and you're pushing back, it's a never-ending mess. And what happened with us with the anxiety, you know, we just spurred each other's anxiety on by doing that. I was pushing to control, he was pushing back and rebelling, the more I pushed, the more he pushed, and the more you push, also, the more underground they go with their behavior. They start lying, they start hiding it, they start sneaking out, they start doing whatever they want to do, because you're punishing them anyway. And they're like, 'Well screw it. I mean, I'm just gonna get in trouble no matter what I do.' They don't feel they can do anything right. 

Listen to the podcast episode.

Watch on YouTube.